they were lying side by side and deeply breathing. in the reflection of the lamps on the bedside table, their sweaty bodies were shining. ellen thought of andy and sean at sammy again. they both waited for the other one to say something but neither of them wanted to. but something must have happened. it was clear... the silence was unbearable... and they both were drown. they even apologized one another that none of them had ever said anything because they knew how hard it was. sean cleared his throat and then once again, and asked ellen how she was at work (nothing more stupid was in his mind. such an idiot am i, he thought). ellen smiled slightly (as typical) and said they should end it. "do you have anyone?" asked sean. "and you don´t?" (i am such a cow, she thouhgt). "i have, but i still love you all the time," said sean, observing the ceiling. he spoke sincerely and the the time passed slowly. "i can not imagine to be without you," said ellen. "do you remember the pine dam? how did you run away from your parents and all weekend was raining and electricity was gone?" "and it did not matter to us," laughed ellen. "and our neighbor, who hid the box with whitehaven sauvignon blanc 2015 with us and we drank it all and poured by water into them ...?". "next week it will be exactly 15 years since you invited me to the sea-calf seaside for a date." "i was terribly nervous because you were so beautiful ...". "you had a yellow shirt with a pineapple ..". "and your hair were in a ponytail and had white earrings and smoke one after another ...". "it's gone ...“
they were both silent and thinking of what it was like "before" ... ellen took sean´s hand and told him to stay till the morning. telephones flashed them on the night tables as a live, but they ignored them. to ruin that moment was not worth it. they both knew it. none of them could fall asleep, but they did not mind.
when sean awoke in the morning, ellen wasn´t there anymore. she left him a message on the refrigerator to keep her keys as usual. after the breakfast, sean cleaned up before leaving, and straightened up the pillows on the bed, as ellen liked (as she had required „before“) ...
outside, the sun was shinning, and in the pocket, sean had a handy full of messages from sammy. he wondered what he would say... charlotte day wilson - after all