the curtain was pulled up and the premiere began. this movie was incredible shit. raymond never not made anything worse and vowed that with the good slashes this is the last movie he ever made. he was only thirty-five, beer was behind already quite a few films. frankly, except the first one all of them just sucks. the biggest ass on it was, that the larger the films was crap, the more money he got. actually, he did not really played. he just smile, sometimes someone gunned down and eventually fucked with the main woman character (which was already clear from the same beginning). thus, like in his life, just did not shoot anybody. after tonight premiere he was clear, fuck it!

he sat in the middle of the first row of padded lounge chairs (where else) next to him, mellisa. representative of the heroine, incredibly normal relaxed girl. she didn´t fit into this movie world of false friends and douche bags. probably, it was because of she came from a wee town from the midwest. mellisa was blond with a twinkle in her eyes and perfect feet. silicone tits also didn´t need.

she liked ray, but other than romantic scenes in this movie, they had nothing together. she liked his gentle dumbness (she did not say that he was stupid, he just simply an occasional things were running later than to the others ... but in the end it came to his mind, which was important)! She wasn´t definitely done to ray, like on so little allowed for putting it together after the party is over the top floor of the trump tower, where they had reserved the presidential suite for $ 10,000 per night (mellisa didn´t sleep in such kind of hotels and she was wondering what it will be there) .

it was the beginning of a warmy autumn and on the beaches during the day roamed surfers like in the early summer…

when the lights went on in the hall and the movie began, leaning on each other ray comfortable making sofas, corner of his eye he winked at mellisa smiled at her. she smiled back. instead of enjoying materialized popularity (today's evening belong just, just him, he was the one big star) and enjoyed to see mellisa naked later in the night and to what she allows him (ray was quite enough crazy) and how it will all congratulate pacify him, as great he was (because of serious he is), how convincingly does he played, what is a pity that he does not yet have an oscar, thought so at his childhood friend franzi, which one recently invited to his home with the prospect of a huge party, when going to talk about the good old days, booze up, roll a joint, listen to some good music and will end somewhere. instead, however, was quite spasmodic embarrassing meeting, when there was really nothing to talk about and ended before midnight with the fact that franzi should go to his girl. next morning came a short message from franci that ray is a fucking high and mighty dick. he was sad about it ...

under the silk chair ray has hoden two bottles of veuve clicquet special edition brut with two glasses. he poured both full and he gave one of them to mellisa. mellisa squeezed his hand.

the curtains spread, people started clapping (long, Infinite standind cation) ray felt like a fucking high and mighty dick.. yeasayer silly me 





jimbo already didn´t distinguish day and night. he drank just in one piece. when he could not, so just dropped off. when he woke up, so he set into it again. he didn´t even pull off curtains. all he didn´t care what was happening outside. he didn´t go out among the people, he didn´t watch TV. when he needed booze, fags and chow, so he called me and i arranged everything. it was quite picky and, mainly in booze, he had very wide margin. vodka, port, small canned beer and especially red wine. he still managed drink out three or four liters a day. his favorite brand was brunello di montalcino by la poderino and because he was in the package (reportedly owned the wee butic winery in sonoma for rich guys), so he indulged it enough. cigarette, i took him down by boxes. he smoked lucky strike menthol (in ukraine, local people told him that it is bad for the heart and erection, but he pissed off at it). about the food, he didn´t care pretty much. he ate only fried eggs, pork paté, bread and green peppers. i used to come to his house reguraly on monday and friday. it always snubbed in front of the door. first time, he asked me just like the neighbor, if i hadn´t gone across the road to buy him some goods becouse of his sore legs (i just knes that his legs are allright but he didn´t want to see anyone and simply, he liked me) ... everytime he let me ten bucks and that was. i used to go to shopping to jj´s, own name mustafa, but somehow it did not work on my tongue. jj sold everything, even though i was only sixteen and i really looked at thirteen, but he didn´t care. well, he knew that all the stuff was for jimbo and additionally, he needed to pay the rent. one day, it was on friday, jimbo didn´t open. he died ... he said nothing to anyone and just winding his slippers. i went to jj, bought there a carton of lucky stricke menthol, six cans of beer and two bottles of red and then i told him that jimbo died. he said anything and took the change. i went to his shop anymore ...

this year i was forty and i stopped to pull out the curtains. sometimes, i think of jimbo's. outside hoots ambulance and i fill up the glass with la poderino .... life is crappy complicated and i slowly begin to loose the hope ... it's cause of the fucking winter or because that the radio plays very same shit..? with some exceptions lee fields and the expressions - never be another you



15 steps


we used to see each other infrequently, but every day i was looking forward to see her again. always boarded around seven thirty line 170. she stands by the window close to me, but not pretty close. just so that she could see me. in the face, she has such a cute little jerky movements that do not affect. these jerks are caused by nervous when you know that someone is looking at you. i know it's caused by my presence ... i liked that very much and try to be on top of things. when watching, so it with great sincerity watching. she's really beautiful. she often loosened her hair today (she always wears them closed in a bun) and had a great diopter glasses without diopters, images. she is probably high as me, has black eyes and her style is highly unusual. it's a mix of 90´s and some king of narrow-minded black elegance, but she knows how to wear it. she even can smiles, but she does not show it much often. only when she reads the mobile phone (maybe writes her musceling, „in money“ fella report on how it was nice in the morning). we stand close to each other, but I do not have the courage (all my life) to undertake anything. rather, i give a little time, because i feel that's going to be something bigger (one will recognize it), and frankly do i get quite scared about it. although we have finally wrapped up with my wife, i am still in a hope ... just give it time, just as it once must come. this is inevitable, as plain as a daylight. even before we meet, i bet what she will be. completely calmly it could be total, high and mighty cow, but i am almost one hundred percent reckon that she is not. on the contrary - it will be a very nice girl with a sense of humor, who likes to sleep in a tent in the summer time, use to go into the forest in the rain, instructed regularly contributes to a cat shelter, she likes schnitzels and sweet chocolate, and every wednesday evening and sunday morning she wants to fuck like a wild and she likes to experiment in this kind of human need.

wednesday morning was pretty disgusting. depending on the amount of puddles has been pissing all night. in the evening i didn´t drink much, but get up really did not want me. i listen to love/dead faces on tv and stuffed myself into a completely full bus. fucking driver would not let me in advance, although it through the back door really just could not cause of the people... i found a spot on the right side and inhaled a mixture of alcohol vapors, enough of a bad food and unpurifed teeth some elderly guy who's ridden by to the work ... but maybe not. hard to choose, but i was not totally one. but two stops i could survive. finally, i did not even wait for those two stops. guzzler got off at the first one. i was quite happy, although i actually felt good. he reminded me my dad… she was standing behind him and i sort of expected it. i thought that today i will not wait for anything, but in the end it was somehow it doesn´t matter. we left the bus and walked for a while just a few meters next to each other. then we spontally grabbed our hands. quite automatically, as if we were doing it this way since time immemorial. we did not talk at all. just looked at each other, she smiled and waved me at pimlico station and clearly i saw through the window she says she loves me.

i have never seen her anymore. it´s a shame, cause she was the one… i know it…



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